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I Want a Kid – My Partner Doesn’t – What should I Do?

Before deciding to tie the notch with someone, it is usually in everyone’s best interest to discuss futures. This happens more often nowadays as couples realize they may be assuming something that isn’t there. When people finally marry, things change slowly or rapidly depending on the circumstances. Also, lifestyles and outside influences can hinder family and personal growth.

That being said, the worst-case scenario aside from a dysfunctional marriage is a heartbroken partner seeking another child. It could be the lady who said no to another child, or indeed the man. After finding the love of your life on things may not go as planned. Once you settle down, plans might change, mindsets altered and lifestyles adjusted too.

What Causes these Changes?

Being honest with yourself and each other is important. There is a chance your partner never wanted a child to begin with. There is also a chance they were never planning to have the child with you, but with someone else. The possibilities or alternatives are many, which is what sends some couples into depression. Here are some of the reasons given concerning why a spouse or partner may not want a child.

1. I’m too old for another child

Chances are she feels this way due to fear of infertility. She might have hit menopause or simply is paranoid about having another child. Whatever the reasoning behind her fear at this stage, you need to discuss it. Perhaps you can begin with her thoughts first, asking her why she feels that way.

Ask if she’d be willing to talk to a specialist about the potential and risks of having a child at her age.

At this step you have to tread carefully, knowing she might have other reasons altogether. Maybe she feels weary and cannot fathom having to raise kids all over again. Carry out these discussions privately before scheduling random counseling sessions.

2. We can’t afford it now

Life has become unbearably expensive nowadays, with inflation and recessions imminent. Having children is something many have to think through in detail unlike years past. It might seem heartbreaking to hear your partner utter these words, but we cannot afford a child right now is a common statement. Economic challenges can alter one’s perspective on plenty of things including raising a family.

3. I don’t want any more children

This is a very personal choice and one that is hard to alter. If someone feels they have borne enough kids, it isn’t easy to convince them otherwise. Women take a lot of pride in ensuring their bodies don’t get run down. That might seem shallow or selfish but a woman should be able to choose how many (if any) kids she should have. If it gets frustrating trying to understand why she doesn’t want any more kids therapy might not help either. This is because she might have kids from a different man, and he would like her to bear his. Things can get slippery at this point and talking it through is the only that it might work. But not guaranteed to do so.

4. I’ve had a change of heart

This is when the ball is dropped and you feel heavy-hearted. When a woman says this, it might be due to several reasons. Most of these reasons are never good; including the fact her career might be taking priority. Additionally, you might have worn her down and left her disillusioned. At this point, she probably wants nothing to do with you. There might be an impending divorce you need to worry about, and not having another child.

Bottom Line

Learn your partner’s projections of the future and if her/his mindset matches yours. With time, and possibly before getting hitched, you should have a good idea of where you are headed. It is better to never get married at all than to hope that you’ll have a life together, only to be disappointed.

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