Could a single hack really make a difference in your online dating experience? As a matter of fact, it probably could. No, it doesn’t involve taking a course or learning some slick new pick-up lines. All you have to do is this: avoid having unrealistic expectations.
There you go, that’s the tip. You should stick around for the rest, though; you might learn a thing or two! There are plenty of different scenarios that could trip you up if you don’t know what you’re getting into, and those could be worth exploring. For example, say you join an adult dating site like Flingster, and you’re understandably excited at the thought of all the people you’re about to meet. Then you start actually meeting them and realize just how many wouldn’t be a good fit for you. That’s when optimism meets the consequences of unrealistic expectations, and the forecast for your dating life starts to predict heavy clouds.
To be fair, this isn’t entirely your fault; a lot of the information about online dating focuses on the fun parts, and conveniently leaves out anything you wouldn’t enjoy. Of course you can also find the articles that caution against romance scams and troll accounts, or point out that online dating doesn’t even have a stellar success rate. Unfortunately you won’t always see those things together, meaning it’s a bit harder to approach online dating with a realistic viewpoint.
Lucky for you, it’s possible to find a more balanced picture of adult online dating below. You’ll get a few pros and a few cons, and decide for yourself if it’s something that sounds right for you. If you decide to give it a try, you’ll be doing it with the information you need for the result you want!
Pro: you’ll save time, effort, and money
For most people, having a dating life is worth what they put into it. They make time on the weekends to mingle with new people, they spend money at bars or clubs, and they take the effort to make themselves look like a real catch before leaving the house.
You should obviously put your best foot forward on an adult dating site, but the prep involved doesn’t have to be at the same level by any means. In fact, on some adult dating sites it’s typical to wear little to no clothes as you meet strangers via webcam. The most money you’ll spend is a monthly fee for some websites, or sending a small virtual gift as a token of admiration. You could spend the same amount in a week online as you’d spend in 10 minutes at a bar.
Con: your self-esteem could suffer
When people talk about self-esteem problems, they’re usually referring to low self-esteem; but self-esteem that’s too high doesn’t do you any favors either. Some people (usually men) get less attention than they were expecting while online dating, and that understandably gets them down. Other people (usually women) get all kinds of attention, and that gives them an inflated sense of their own sex appeal.
Pro: you could realize how many options there really are
It doesn’t take a mathematical genius to realize that the more people you meet, the higher your chances get of finding a love interest. When you subtract the people who aren’t your type, though, the number of potential matches gets a lot smaller. But what if you started considering people you wouldn’t normally go for? Whether you want someone to have a certain eye color, or you only date people within specific career paths, you might realize that not all of your preferences are that important. And if you decided to expand your criteria, you’d be surprised at how your dating life changes as a result!
Con: you start focusing too much on swiping past profiles, rather than meeting the actual people
The more people you meet, the more matches you’ll get – right? Not necessarily. If you get into a pattern of making snap judgements on everyone you meet for the sake of “meeting more people”, it won’t do you or them any good. Your monkey brain might be telling you that more clicking equals faster results, but that isn’t always the case; sometimes the best strategy is to let yourself stop and smell the flowers.
Pro: rejection won’t hit as hard after adult online dating
This is sort of a “school of hard knocks” argument, but it’s true: if you can get used to the (basically constant) rejections involved in the typical online dating experience, your overall tolerance for rejection will increase by a lot. Starting as soon as you hop online to meet some strangers, you could very well get skipped over by your chat partners after a few seconds of conversation. And then there’s something that most people have experienced at some point: getting ghosted when they thought everything was fine. However, since the stakes aren’t usually that high on an adult dating site, there’s no reason to feel totally crushed by rejection. But the best part? It could end up teaching you how to handle rejection in real life as well.
Con: you could develop unrealistic standards
If you decide to wait for the perfect person among the sea of options on your dating site of choice, you’ll probably be disappointed. Not necessarily because they don’t exist, but because you can’t depend on meeting them. Maybe you’re never online at the same time as each other, or they’re already talking to someone else, or you aren’t their type. Whatever the case, it’s important to realize that not all compromises are bad.
Has this changed your impression of adult online dating?
If you’re trying to take charge of your dating life by trying your luck online, you have to consider the good, the bad, and the ugly. After all, what’s the point of optimism if you just get let down by reality? With realistic expectations, though, you’ll know what you’re getting into, as well as what to go for.